mancode for us female folk

I like to think I know a thing or three about the mens. I'd go so far as to say that if it wasn't for the one tiny little detail of me not owning my very own penis, me and mens could be twins. I knows the mens. (Before you read further, just know that I'm on drugs.)

Here is what I knows about mens:


1) Men always like to feel like they are the man, but most especially in their home. If they can't feel like the man at work or in public, they at least take solace in knowing they can go to their house and do what ever it is they do that makes them feel important in their palace. God help the person who takes that away from them.



2) A way to a man's heart really is through their stomachs. Don't get me wrong, the stomach is only one way to a man's heart. There are other ways too, but this one happens to be a biggie, especially if you can tap into their comfort foods. You would have had to do something really horrible for a man to leave you if you have him by his guts such as knocking over his beer on the coffee table and kicking him in the nuts on purpose as you're fucking his younger, more handsome and successful sister on his couch . That would sting and could totally ruin the relationship unless a) he's a pussy and you should dump him anyways (anyone who would put up with someone abusing their beer is just a rug and wants to get stepped on) and/or b) you make a mean manicotti.



3) Don't ever, ever, ever say to a man, " I told you so, motherfucker!" You may as well take away his man card and swap it out for a blue checkered gingham apron with eyelet ruffles and ask him to bake you a gingerbread house with all the fixin's.


...and that's it.

If you need more info on men, go ask a man, but make sure you ply him with alcohol and be ready and willing to show bush. But get your answer before you let him know you're willing to some show bush, otherwise, he'll lie so he can see it as soon as possible. Huh. I guess I knew more than I thought.