Breaking up is hard to do

I am in the process of ending a relationship. It's true what they say, breaking up is hard to do. It's even harder to break up with someone when in your mind, it's already over and has been for a while but there is this tiny little problem; they don't know you've broken up. I've gotten, you might say, lazy about the whole damn thing. Afterall, in my mind, it's a done deal. I'm certain he know something is up, as I haven't spoken to him or called him all weekend and his messages are getting a wee bit frantic. In someways, I think I'm actually waiting to see if he'll chew me out which is what he should do. I'm wondering how long it will take him to get fed up before he gets good and mad.

I realize with this last one that I am a chronic breaker-upper. I break up with people, that's my thing. And the sucky thing? I have yet to do it well. I suck at breaking up as much as I don't suck at saying no to begin with. (For those of you keeping tabs, it means I'm like a lame, second tiered character from an over-exposed, most likely performed by a high school and a musical, to boot. Call me Annie, Miss Ado if your nasty, that freak who was just a girl who couldn't say no in a state that I still don't know anything about, OOOOOOKlahoma.)

I have several options, but none of them make sense except doing it over the phone. Email is even more impersonal than the Dear John letter of yesteryear. I refuse to do it in person because that requires traveling great distances and I don't want to go and I don't want him to come here. I even considered sending a message in a bottle but figured that would take even longer than the USPS (but not by much), smoke signals, Morse Code? I only know "SOS", not "I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore".

I'll do it tomorrow...maybe. My goal is to do it before I turn 40.